At Last! New Ways To Communicate About Money
From: Dr. Taffy Wagner, Personal Finances Expert and Coach
Dear Reader,
Finally! You are about to learn practical, simple steps to reduce financial stress during your engagement and throughout your marriage. Whether you want to openly discuss finances, prepare for home ownership or improve money management skills, you have come to the right place.
Let’s face it, avoidance and fear do not remove money issues. You are not alone, there are many people who thought if they did not talk about it, the problem would resolve itself.
Everywhere you read, the #1 consensus for divorce is: MONEY! I read an article today on Associated Content that states:
“50 to 60% of today’s newlyweds will divorce. Why? The number one reason is money and the second is the lack of communication.”
Let me share a personal story with you before we continue to move forward. Having grown up in a single parent household, low-income and not having access to money, when I became a young adult and enlisted in the United States Armed Forces, I did not know how to manage money.
All of a sudden I began having access to money. You are probably thinking to yourself once I had access, I began shopping it up. Not exactly. As a young adult in the military away from home, I called home a lot. Therefore, my phone bills were anywhere from two to three hundred dollars a month.
Do you know why that did not bother me? That was the only bill I had and had money in the account aftr paying that bill. After my first enlistment, I re-enlisted for a second term. I began making friends in college and also friends where I stayed. There were times when I would loan friends money, some paid back and some did not. Personally, I did not believe that was a reflection on me.
I recall a specific situation where one of my friends from college (who was a dependent spouse) was pregnant and had no family in the area. I was invited to her baby shower and looked forward to purchasing a gift for the baby. Lo and behold, when I got to the store all I kept thinking about was she had no family in the area and little income. Out of compassion, I SHOPPED IT UP! I did not want her child to be without.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I learned within about two or three months I should not have done that. That was one of the choices that I made that started me on the path of poor financial decisions. I did not continue shopping right then; however after the second enlistment I chose to separate from the military and move to another city.
Let’s Cut to the Chase
When you are a young adult making your own way, you believe you can handle it all. I got a job in the civilian sector prior to separating. Let the poor choices began – of course they all related to money:
1) Accepted a job where I ended up being paid less
2) Cost of living was much higher than where I moved from. Ended up living in a small apartment.
3) Did not want to share any of the information with my family because I thought I could handle everything.
Result of these poor choices - slow pays, bad debt which led to my being homeless within fifteen months of separating from the military. Bills were too much and I could not keep up.
DOES BEING HOMELESS MEAN HELPLESS?
By now, you are probably wondering how did I get out of this situation. I met a gentleman through mutual friends as I was in the process of being evicted. About a month after meeting him, he offered me a job working for his personal business. I accepted the job, BUT – he was not able to pay.
Hold on to your seat…. You will not see this coming. He and I began dating after about two months. Much to my surprise the more we talked about our backgrounds, different business we had been involved in over the years, it was like looking at myself in male form. When I asked him about his finances, he shared he was in DEBT!
One major difference is he was choosing not to pay his bills. I did not have enough to pay my bills. We dated despite this. He asked me about my finances. This was hard for me, because I was embarrassed. Regardless, I share the good, bad and ugly. We began talking about the business and what we needed to do to clean it up.
WAIT! Did I forget to tell you we fell in love and became engaged at the three month point. We did. Maybe some of you are thinking two people in debt from the outset is that a good idea. Let me say this, it all depends on the work ethic of each person.
Look at our differences: I was raised in a single parent household, low-income and did not have access to money. He grew up in a two-parent household, low to middle income and had access to money. Yet, both of us were in debt. We talked about who should manage the money and surprisingly enough, we agreed I should manage the money.
Prior to our getting married, we decided that we did not want to incur anymore debt on top of the $30,000 we already had. Needless to say, we went to the Justice of the Peace and our friends met us there to be witnesses.
Six Months and a New Start
My fiancé and I got married exactly at the six month dating point. We united with $30,000 in debt and did not incur any additional debt getting married. We kept everything affordable on our budget and would not be influenced by anyone.
Shortly after we were married, we developed a five year plan to get out of debt and we did it in two and a half year without filing bankruptcy. We did not buy real estate and sell it, nor did we have any assets to liquidate, we WORKED our way out of debt.
Opportunity to Make a Difference Springs Forth
My husband and I had several friends that were single and some others asked us to speak to their men and women’s groups about dating and marriage. We thoroughly enjoyed talking with couples about every day issues and life. Even though we both had our individual experiences and mistakes with money – we did not point the finger or blame the other for the decisions that had been made when we were not married.
Financial issues happen because people don’t know how to manage money and try to solve the problem themselves without guidance. Also they believe they are going to let someone down if they share they are in debt or they believe it might end their relationship with their mate if he or she honestly knew the details of their finances.
A Non-Threatening Communication Style is Born
That is why Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and Debt Stops at the Altar was created. I was unwilling to sit by the sidelines and watch marriages end in divorce because of a lack of real financial guidance…especially when it doesn’t have to be that way.
Think about it. Name one formal personal finances class that you have taken. Did you name one? If not can you imagine your friends and family members that are about to walk down the aisle or have walked down the aisle to Money Management by trial and error. Remember, the avg divorce costs at least $1,500 and up based on the situation.
I strongly believe that with the right information and application, anyone can have a marriage that has established the proper financial foundation which leads to financial harmony versus financial stress. I have seen it first hand, even in my own marriage.
Keep Reading! I’m going to reveal important areas that should be discussed that will impact your finances in marriage.
First, let me say you are probably making some drastic mistakes when it comes to solving financial issues in a relationship and don’t even know it.
Financial stress causes uncontrollable emotions in people that cause us to point the finger at one another and alleviate any open communication to result in solutions. You begin reacting to each others behavior and statements instead of uniting to agree on a resolution.
Do not give up before you get started. Whether you are engaged and preparing for marriage or have been married for some time and have not discussed finances, this information applies to you. It is not limited to just your engagement or when you first get married.
The answer to financial stress is financial harmony. Wouldn’t you like to walk down that aisle experiencing financial harmony!
GREAT NEWS! Announcing:
Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk
And The Debt Stops At The Altar!
You do not have to stand at the altar secretly thinking about the debt you have incurred and the non-communication you and your fiance’ chose not to discuss prior to the wedding.
Here’s a Small Sample of What You Will Learn:
• How you speak about your spouse and to your spouse can determine the success of your marriage. Many people demean their spouse by their speech instead of encouraging them.
• Why you must establish a Financial Foundation for your marriage. Most people enter into a marriage not realizing they are basing their choices based on what their parents did. Find out why you must establish a NEW Foundation.
• One thing you must do if you enter into your marriage with bad credit.
• The importance and significance of MINDSET regardless of financial issues that may arise. When financial problems surface, most people become depressed almost to a point of inactivity. Find out how your MINDSET is the KEY to financial harmony.
• First-time ever revealed characteristics to unveil who’s the Shopper (Spender) and who is the Saver in the relationship. Mr. Rich meets Miss Frugal will give you insight into who you are in the relationship.
• Financial questions that are life-changing that should be asked even during your engagement. How many people do you know did not disclose any financial information during their engagement and once the ring was on the finger, they found out they had “a can of financial worms” they had to deal with?
The above is only the tip of the iceberg of the information you are about to receive.
How many people do you know personally whose marriages would have been saved with the above information? For such a time as now, it’s time for engaged couples and newlyweds to make a commitment to each other to move in the right direction and communicate about finances to prevent financial stress in the future.
It’s time to invest in your marriage, not just the wedding. A marriage is for a lifetime and needs to be equipped with valuable information that leads to solutions couples face financially.
Now it is up to you to be honest with yourself about your finances and whether or not you and your fiancé have discussed money. This financial education program can be listened to in the privacy of your own home, as you are driving to work in the car or even while riding a bus. Get personal guidance without feeling embarrassed.
Take the next step: Purchase Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and Debt Stops At The Altar which will teach you how to establish that Financial Foundation and more.
A house cannot be built without a proper foundation….neither should your marriage.
Purchase Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and Debt Stops At The Altar Today
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As a happily married wife of twelve years and certified personal finances educator, it is my desire to help you be better prepared financially as an individual and as a married couple.
Being on the same page financially, being able to talk to each other about money and how it affects the marriage can help place your marriage on the path to happily ever after.
Financial happiness and success,
P.S. Dr. Taffy Wagner, CEPF is available to speak to groups, couples and youth about finances. Contact her through this site.